Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I am not o.k. with....

  • The fact that my crazy ex-girlfriend murdered our daughter and left her body in a field almost a year ago today.
  • The chance that same ex-girlfriend could be getting a plea bargain and serving 15 years with a chance of parole.
  • The next hearing for this trial being scheduled on my 31st birthday.
  • My daughters pictures are up on strangers crime blogs. How would you feel if someone you had never met (strangers) had pictures of your kids (living or deceased) on their blogs. Violated perhaps. Exploited is a word that comes to mind. Not comfortable is right on the money.
  • People asking me "So how's everything going?" It's fucked up. I accept everything that has happened. I take responsibility for letting shit that is totally out of my control, take over and ruin all the shit I did have control over. I'm a fucking mess and I'm doing the best I can to be positive and move forward with my life.
  • People who drink asking me how not drinking is going. Go fuck yourself. Actually take a good long look in the mirror, while you are fucking yourself.
  • Forgiveness, Trust, Surrender, Bounderies, Accepting love, Self worth and whole lot of other shit, but at least I'm working on it. Are you?
  • The fact that I didn't speak up, when you stopped loving me and started loving the idea of who I could be.
Wish me luck this week. It is not going to be easy. I don't intend on making it look easy. Sorry I just don't have it in me to bullshit nobody. My suggestion would be patience and a little compassion, but that's just a suggestion.

Tony.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


You burned these bridges bright
So that i could see, there's more to this life
Than empty baggies and dirty glass pipes
I swear to god I'll stay clean this time

I watched it burn and listened to you cry
Held my tongue while ash rained from the sky
Till we we're knee deep in a pile of white lies
and god served us 18 to life

Don't tell me how to live my life
I'll make my mistakes
One decision at a time
I was put on this earth
To Love, Fuck and Fight
Don't worry about me, I'm alright

So I'm stubborn and I'm selfish
And I hate to be alone
God I wish I knew surrender
Most nights it's just a six string and sad sad songs
I doubt anyone will ever remember

I try to be a brother and I try to be a friend
You know I can never give up
I just spit out the teeth
Knock off the dust
And wait for the next punch to come

Don't tell me how to live my life
I'll make my mistakes
One decision at a time
I was put on this earth
To Love, Fuck and Fight
Don't worry about me, I'm alright