Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I am not o.k. with....

  • The fact that my crazy ex-girlfriend murdered our daughter and left her body in a field almost a year ago today.
  • The chance that same ex-girlfriend could be getting a plea bargain and serving 15 years with a chance of parole.
  • The next hearing for this trial being scheduled on my 31st birthday.
  • My daughters pictures are up on strangers crime blogs. How would you feel if someone you had never met (strangers) had pictures of your kids (living or deceased) on their blogs. Violated perhaps. Exploited is a word that comes to mind. Not comfortable is right on the money.
  • People asking me "So how's everything going?" It's fucked up. I accept everything that has happened. I take responsibility for letting shit that is totally out of my control, take over and ruin all the shit I did have control over. I'm a fucking mess and I'm doing the best I can to be positive and move forward with my life.
  • People who drink asking me how not drinking is going. Go fuck yourself. Actually take a good long look in the mirror, while you are fucking yourself.
  • Forgiveness, Trust, Surrender, Bounderies, Accepting love, Self worth and whole lot of other shit, but at least I'm working on it. Are you?
  • The fact that I didn't speak up, when you stopped loving me and started loving the idea of who I could be.
Wish me luck this week. It is not going to be easy. I don't intend on making it look easy. Sorry I just don't have it in me to bullshit nobody. My suggestion would be patience and a little compassion, but that's just a suggestion.

Tony.

1 comment:

Lisa K. Tomic said...

You are an amazing man! You have been through more than anyone your age should ever be through. You are now traveling a road for a better life. I am so proud of you and I look forward to the day that you see what we all see. Keep keeping on and don't give up the fight. Love you Tony.