Answering my own questions.

You accept your part in the past. You tell yourself that you are doing this for you and no one's opinion matters. You remind yourself that your lucky to have the family and friends that you have. Then you eat a 4 tacos and a bowl of ice cream.

What do you do when.....

• Your apologies are worthless.
• You are too late in your attempts to better yourself as a human being.
• You are asked to be open and honest. You do it. Then all that shit you didn't want to share in the first place, is all used against you.
• You fight for what you want. You lose. You fight. Then you sit back and feel pathetic for even trying.
• Your attempt at compassion and kindness is confused as weakness.
  
• You are wrong when you fake happy to get through your day.
• You are wrong when you are honest about being unhappy that day.

I know that I was a selfish piece of shit. I have caused an unmeasurable amount of worry. I have hurt countless feelings.

I have taken beautiful, smart and talented women overflowing with love and changed them into shallow, cold and empty vessels. To the point, that one of those women fakes a kidnapping and kills our only daughter. It's all my fucking fault. I could have tried harder right?

I'm sorry (worthless statement) that I have a hard time feeling worthy of happiness, love or joy in my life. I don't think I have earned any of those things based on my current track record.

Please do not mistake this is a pity party.
Fuck your pity. Fuck your parties.
Fuck your suggestions on how I should live my life and Fuck the deadline you set for me to meet them by.

Too Little. Too Late.

It will always be Too Little. Too Late.

I get it.